Funny: Some jokes

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, checked the front page and said, "Hey! This is yesterday's paper!"

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

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To my Darling Husband

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let  you know about the small  accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.  

Fortunately not too bad and I  really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from the supermarket,   and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly  bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car

I am really sorry, but  I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for  you my sweetheart.

I am  enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms  again.

Your loving wife.

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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."