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Friday, April 1, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

At a lecture on psychic phenomena in a Comparative Religions course, the instructor told about a woman who contacted police working on a missing persons case. "She gave them eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body," the instructor said. "And in fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now, what would you call this type of person?"

While the rest of the class pondered the question, a sheriff's deputy taking the class raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."


Slips of the Lips:

Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator: "This is Gregori Ava from Bulgaria.... I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."

Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

Alan Minter: "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing but none of them serious."

Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"

Ron Atkinson: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces."

Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.

Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

US TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

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