Funny: Some jokes

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected; said he, "The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind."

They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this. Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.

But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter. "I think this is about the same place where we landed last year."

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A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit
his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

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Having a bad day? Well, better you than me.

If you cant beat 'em, well then you're just not trying hard enough, slacker.

Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the ones that got you mad in the first place?

Happiness is where you find it. Perhaps you should look someplace else.

Start each day off on the right foot, unless you kick better with your left.

I make it a policy to never take work home with me...unless office supplies count.

If not for stress, I'd have no energy at all.

Women don't need the remote control...we have the actual control.

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and the old buzzard won't be hanging around, underfoot, all weekend.

I'd eat more fruits and vegetables if they tasted more like microwaved burritos.