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Thursday, March 31, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

One hot sunny summer day, Tim and Don decided to go and spend the day fishing at the lake. They sat on the dock, enjoying the perfect weather and watching a speed boat pulling a water skier back and forth across the lake.

Tim and Don, being friendly sorts, waved at the skier but when the skier tried to wave back he lost his hold on the tow line and went down hard.

The two friends jumped to their feet in horror and waited for the skier to surface. But the skier's life jacket came up without him. Feeling responsible for the fall, Tim and Don both dove in and swam out to try and save him.

After several fruitless dives they finally found the body lying on the bottom of the lake and pulled him to shore. They started CPR, Tim doing compressions and Don giving mouth to mouth.

All of the sudden, Don stopped blowing and started to gag.

Tim, noticing Don had stopped, yelled, "Why are you stopping?! We have to save this guy!"

Don replied, "The guy WAS water skiing right?"

"Well yeah. We both saw him. Why?"

"Because THIS guy is wearing ice skates..."


You know you are in DEEP TROUBLE when.....

* The stewardess on your American Airlines flight tells you NOT to fasten your seatbelt.

* Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Panama.

* You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your late car payment.

* Your suggestion box starts ticking.

* You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

* You see the cruise captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

* They pay your wages out of petty cash.

* You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.

* Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.

* The simple instructions enclosed aren't.

* A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

* You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.

* You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.

* Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.

* The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

* The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.

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