Funny: Some jokes

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to
donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

-----------------------

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

Then a voice at the back of the court yells, "You liar!"

The judge glares and then continues, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

Again the voice at the back of the court shouts, "You dirty liar!"

The judge angrily addresses the voice and says, "Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt. What is the problem anyway?"

The man at the back of the court who's been shouting calls out, "Fifteen years I lived next door to that liar and, every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one! ..."

-----------------

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, 'It's bad enough that we have to
sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them.'

The second nun said, 'I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later.'

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

'You get them at a chemist, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them.'

The next day the good sister went to the chemist and walked up to the counter.

'Good morning, sister,' the chemist said, 'what can I do for you today?'

'I'd like some condoms please,' said the nun.

The chemist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, 'How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.'

'I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week,' said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his
professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice.

'Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.'

The sister thought for a minute and finally said: 'I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size
for a Camel?'