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Monday, March 21, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

A man went to his barber to get a haircut before he left on a trip to Rome.

He was telling his barber about the trip when the barber said, "Rome? Why would anyone go there? It's crowded and dirty! So, how are you getting there?"

"We're flying on TWA," the man told him.

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible choice! The planes are old and the flight attendants are ugly. Where are you staying in Rome?"

"Oh, we're at the downtown Marriott."

"What? That dump with its overpriced rooms and poor service? Well, what are you doing when you get there?" the barber griped.

"Going to the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"Yeah? Well good luck. A million people want to see the Pope. You'll never get close. But good luck to you. You'll probably need it."

Finishing the cut, the barber handed him his coat.

A month later, the man was back for another cut.

The barber asked about the trip to Rome. "Oh, it was wonderful. We were on a brand new plane and it was so overcrowded we got bumped to first class, where a beautiful young stewardess waited on us hand and
foot. And the hotel was fantastic! They had just finished remodeling and were overbooked, so they gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!

"Well, I know you didn't get to see the Pope," the surly barber grumbled.

"Oh, but we did!" the man exclaimed. "We toured the Vatican and were chosen to personally meet the Pope! I actually knelt down as he spoke a few words to me!"

"Really?" the barber wondered, impressed despite himself. "What did he say?"

"He said, 'Where'd you get that lousy haircut?'"


Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town.

They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent.

To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.

As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a marine."

The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

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