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Friday, March 18, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

A young girl who had gotten into big trouble for misbehaving all day was advised by her mother to ask the Lord to help her be a good girl.

The next day she came to her mother, looking downcast.  "You heard me last night when I asked God to help me be good today, didn't you?" she asked.

"Yes, dear, I did," said mother.

The girl lowered her voice and said, "Then why do you suppose He didn't do it?"


I had to voice my concern when a co-worker said she found dates using the Internet. "Don't worry about me," she said, "I always insist we meet at a miniature golf course."

"Why there?" I asked.
"First, it's a public spot," she said. "Second, it's in broad daylight. And third, I have a club in my hand."


Upon taking a seat at the bar, the exec noticed that each stool had a number painted on it. Sitting next to him was a rather depressed-looking gentleman and an attractive young woman who was obviously enjoying herself.

The newcomer turned toward the unhappy fellow and asked if he knew the purpose of the numbers.

"Sure," the guy said. "Every half hour, the bartender spins a wheel and whoever has the winning seat gets to go upstairs for the wild sex´orgy they have up there."

"That's terrific!" exclaimed the surprised customer. "Have you won?"
Not yet," the man said, miserably, "but my date has, four times in a row!" 


A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?'

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?'

'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.'

'What?' roared the big man in disbelief? 'What in the hell kind of dog do you have?'

'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.'

'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?'

'It appears that he choked on it, sir.'

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