Funny: Some jokes

I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home.

Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.

The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?"

"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the
apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a
fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." 

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With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"When she cries!" she told them.

"When she cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until she cries?"

"Because, I forgot where I put her."