John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As
they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and
kissed him passionately.
"My goodness," said Peter, "and how long
have you been married?"
"22 years," replied John.
"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife
greets you like that after all those years."
---------------------
It seems that a young man volunteered for military
service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he
was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp.
The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best
flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him
immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly
shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more
Japanese planes and shot them all down, too.
Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended,
circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw
back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly
he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You
make one velly impoltant mistake!"
--------------------
At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase
some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent
them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with
noise-induced tension headaches.
I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart
with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin.
As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my
purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a kid!"
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