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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Funny: Actual Quotes Taken From Federal Employees' Performance Evaluations

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

• "I would not allow this employee to breed."

• "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

• "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

• "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

• "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

• "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

• "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

• "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

• "He's been working with glue too much."

• "He would argue with a signpost."

• "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

• "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

• "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

• "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

• "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

• "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

• "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

• "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

• "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

• "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

• "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

• "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

• "One neuron short of a synapse."

• "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

• "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

• "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

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