One woman talking to another on the telephone: "I
ran into an old friend from high school the other day and she looked marvelous!
She hadn't gained an ounce, and she didn't have a single wrinkle - so I ran
into her again."
---------------------------
A woman went to traffic violation court for speeding,
lost the argument as it always happens, and paid the fine.
The police clerk issued her a receipt for her payment of
fine. The lady annoyed at her defeat in the court asked him curtly, "What
am I supposed to do with this?"
"Keep it," the clerk advised politely.
"When you get three of them, you get a bicycle, Ma'am!"
----------------------
Nearing the end, Paul is surrounded by his loved ones. As
the final moment approaches, he whispers, "I must tell you my greatest
secret."
His family urges him to go on.
"Before I got married, I had it all," Paul
explains, "I had fast cars, cute girls and plenty of money. But a good
friend warned me, 'Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no one will be
there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for
a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds.
And now here we are. And you know what?"
"What?" they all chorused.
"I'm not even thirsty!"
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