Funny: Some jokes

Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman.

He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was
"like brand-new" and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays.

He tried that approach on every perspective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day.

The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars.

The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales.

Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat."

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There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.

The old man replied, "Nope."

So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away, the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bit!"

The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."

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Three buddies die in a car crash, and find themselves at an orientation in Heaven. Each man is asked, "When you are lying in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you most like to hear them say about you?"

The first man says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and family man."

The second man says, "I'd like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and father, and a school teacher who made a huge difference in children's lives."

The third man says, "I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"