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Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

You Know Your Life Sucks When...

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.

You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.

Your children's school calls to surrender.

The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

Your plants do better when you *don't* talk to them.

All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.

Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection, plastic.


Paddy Murphy, a small young lad beginning to make his place in the world, had finished his hawking sales for the week and had done pretty well. So he thought he would give himself a justly deserved reward and
went to a well-known Dublin brothel.

The Madam said, "Well, you can have this nice Chinese girl over there for £5, then I have an Irish redhead county Mayo lass for £10 and this terrific blonde for £15."

Paddy gave it some thought over a pint or two and decided he would spend £10 and he had a wild marvelous time.

More than twenty years later after his wife had died, he felt lonely so once again he visited the same brothel. He recognized the redhead who was now the Madam, and there was a friendly reunion. Then a huge youngster of about 20 appeared in the parlor and called out, "Mum, is this guy bothering you? "

"No, no," said the Madam, "in fact, Sean, I'd like you to meet your father."

"What?" said Sean, 'this little scrawny leprechaun's my father?"

To which Paddy responded, "Hey boyo!, Be watchin' your manners! If I hadn't been so generous, you'd have been a Chinaman."

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