Jokes

1. A lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man
eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the lawyer said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The lawyer replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house
is over three feet tall!"



2. A young lady comes home from a date, rather sad.

Her mother asks, "What's the matter, Honey?"
"Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?"

"Because he's an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!"

"Marry him anyway. dear. Between the two of us, we'll show him just
how wrong he really is."


3. The upstate NY man was rich in almost every way. His estate was worth millions. He owned houses, land antiques and cattle. But though on the outside he had it all, he was very unhappy on the inside. His wife was growing old, and the couple was childless. He had always wanted a little boy to carry on the family legacy.

Miraculously, his wife became pregnant in her later years, and she gave birth to a little boy. The boy was severely handicapped, but the man loved him with his whole heart. When the boy was five, his mom died. The dad drew closer to his special son. At age 13, the boy's birth defects cost him his life and the father died soon after from a broken heart.

The estate was auctioned before hundreds of bidders. The first item offered was a painting of the boy. No one bid. They waited like vultures for the riches.

Finally, the poor housemaid, who helped raise the boy and loved him, offered $5 for the painting and easily took the bid. To everyone's shock, the auctioneer ripped a hand written will from the back of the picture.

This is what it said To the person who thinks enough of my son to buy this painting, to this person I give my entire estate.

The auction was over. The greedy crowd walked away in shock and dismay.



4. A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim.

"It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..."

"This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it."

"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."