Jokes

1. A man came back to the used-car dealer who'd sold him the car allegedly driven only by a little old lady. The salesman was concerned and asked, "Is there anything wrong?"

The customer said, "No, I just want to return some of the things the little old lady left under the seat.... this chewing tobacco and a fifth of whiskey!"


2. One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."


3. DIVORCED FATHER: "Daughter, when you go back to your Mom's house
tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now
18, this is the last cheque she'll ever see from me for child support.
Then, stand back and watch the _expression on her face."

Later...

DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to
tell you that since I'm now 18, this is the last child support
payment he'll
ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch
the _expression on your face."

Later...

DIVORCED MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father, tell him that
after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your
father...... then, stand back and watch the _expression on his face!!



4. Top 9 Funniest
News paper Classifieds
1. Illiterate? Write today for
free help.

(man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll
never go anywhere again.

(sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

(uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.

(nice work!)