Jokes

1. A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to
synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of
faithful attendance, the rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent
health, so the rabbi asked; "How come after all these years we don't see you
at services any more?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I
got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95,
then 100, then 105, so I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten
about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"



2.
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a
widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two
were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took
a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "
Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes.
Yes, I will. "

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to Their
respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He
couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just Could not recall. Not even a
faint memory. With trepidation, he went to The telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he
inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you
say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
Meant it with all my heart. " Then she continued, "I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked
me



3. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.

Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable
scientific objectivity.

2. Be cheerful at all times.

Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and
reassurance he can get.

3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.

Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.

You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true
nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you
may have experienced.

5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained
in terms that you would understand.

6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.

Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research
paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.

You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the
well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the
course of treatment by your doctor. The patient-doctor relationship is a
privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care.

This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.



4. An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% . The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"



5. It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment ! for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.



6.
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"