Jokes

1. When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath
away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to
her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days
later, she became his stepmother!


2. A Visit to the Doctor

An elderly Jewish man is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is
seemingly unhurt, but his wife persuades him to go to the doctor, just in
case.

He returns home, and his wife says -- "Nu, vos zogt der doktor?" ["So? What
did the doctor say?"]

"Der doktor zogt az ich hob a flucky. " ["The doctor says I have a flucky."]

"Oy, gevalt! A flucky! Terrible! What do you do for a flucky?"

"I don't know -- he didn't say, and I forgot to ask."

Well, by this time the wife is in a state of high anxiety. She tells her
neighbors "My husband was hit by a car, and now he has a flucky! I don't
know what to do!"

Neighbor #1 says, "In the old country, when someone had a flucky, we always
applied cold. Cold is the best thing for a flucky."

Neighbor #2 says, "What are you talking about? Cold is absolutely the worst
thing you could do for a flucky! We always applied heat, that's the only
thing to do for a flucky."

Cold, heat! Oy! Now thoroughly agitated, the wife decides to call the doctor
herself. "Doctor, please tell me, what's wrong with my husband?"

"I told him ... nothing's wrong. He got OFF LUCKY!"