Jokes

1. TWO ELDERLY PEOPLE

This is a story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida.

He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening and! spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him.

Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, " Will you marry me? "

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will. "

The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes. The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes' or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, " When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'? "

" Why, you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart. "

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me."


2. An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February."


3. DATING IN 1957

It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy
Sue.

Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and
invites him in.
"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says.
That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to
do.
Harold replies politely that they will probably just go
to the malt shop or to a drive in movie.

Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw?
I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says
"Wha...aaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother,
"We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why,
she'd screw all night if we let her!
" Harold's eyes begun to light up and he smiles from ear to ear.
Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle
skirt
with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the
front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good Evening kids," with a
small wink for Harold.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes
back into the house, slams the door behind her
and screams at her mother: "Dammit, Mom!
The Twist! It's called The Twist!"


4. A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and
said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away.

"What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.

"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."


5. A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every
week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week he would come
in with the same order. One day the druggist felt he had to say
something to the man.

"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How
on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"

The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I
find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"

So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"

The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in
little plastic bags."


6. A man walks into a bar in Londonand ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canadaand I'm here in London.

When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."

The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no," he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".

"The only thing is

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I just quit drinking!!!