Jokes

1. A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman
nursing a drink.
Walking up behind her he says, "Hi there good looking'.
How's it going?"

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns
around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,
"Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere,
your place, my place, in the car, front door,
back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down,
naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean .. it doesn't matter to me,
I've been doing it ever since
I got out of college and I just flat love it."

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No
kidding. I'm a lawyer too,
What firm are you with?"


2. A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.

He missed. "Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm also the greatest pitcher in the world!"


3. A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the required sum.

"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"

"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."


4. Dobbins lost his eye in an accident and couldn't afford the price of a glass eye, so he carved one out of wood. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house.

Finally, his friend Eddy came over and forced him to go out.

"There's a dance over at the club," he said. "So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood"?

"All right," said Dobbins, "but if anybody makes fun of my eye, I'm leaving."

He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback.

"She's worse off than me," Dobbins thought. "The least I can do is ask her to dance.

He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl.

"Would you care to dance"? he asked.

"Would I"?! she exclaimed.

"That does it," he shouted, "Hunchback! Hunchback!"