Jokes

1. A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are
chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes
around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.

The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of
their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth,and
pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I
can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continue to fly straight
and level...

After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, "There!
How was that?"

The fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, and
got a cup of coffee."


2. The young girl was seated in her doctor's office.

"Our tests indicate that you are pregnant," said the
physician, "and there is every indication that you are
going to have twins."

"But how can that be, doctor?" the girl protested.
"I've never been out on a double date in my life!"


3. A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the
deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is
certain that he has a better education then any cop from
Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and
have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was
coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the
deputy. "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop,
that's the law. License and registration, please!" the
Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference
between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license
and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not,
you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,"
the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,
"Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"


4. Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first
row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to
Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the
agent, and shakes his head.

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of
the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him
the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people
want."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her
pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You @#$!
&&&&&&&&
*%$%**!!!..

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering,
hooting & hollering, and high-fiving.

Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent and says, "How about that I would have never believed how much
everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he
asks what is wrong.

The agent replies, "Mr. President, Sir, I said they wanted you to throw
out the first "PITCH" !!