Jokes

1. One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet.
While in the air Mark asks where the toilet is.
John shows him and says to him "Inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you
do don't press the third one."

Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. While sitting on the
toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned
thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryer appears
and dry his privates.

He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The
next thing Mark sees is John staring at him....."What happened?" Mark
asks trembling.

"Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." "Why do
my privates hurt so bad?" Mark asked anxiously..John replies "Well you
activated the automatic tampon remover."


2. A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no
one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see,
while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor
lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get
him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up
there in the first place!"