Jokes

1. Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their
car.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey,
I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I
can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer
in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into
the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other,
"You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther
away from the truck...."


2. A father and his small son were out walking one after-
noon when the youngster asked how the electricity went
through the wires stretched between the telephone poles.

"Don't know," said the father. "Never knew much about
electricity." A few blocks farther on the boy asked what
caused lightning and thunder.

"To tell the truth," said the father, "I never exactly
understood that myself."

The boy continued to ask questions throughout the walk,
none of which the father could explain. Finally, as
they were nearing home, the boy asked,

"Pop, I hope you don't mind my asking so many questions..."

"Of course not", replied the father. "How else are you
going to learn?"


3. A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still
in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and
wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he
found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw
rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly
blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on
the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of
sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or
that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle
of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside
he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared
over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the
bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and
asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Wife's are Priceless, isn't it?


4. When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the
only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That
was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his
barbecuing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat
meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the
best of them.

Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors
got together and went over to talk to Ole. 'Ole,' they said,
'since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's
not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should
join our church and become a Catholic.'

Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were
probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.

The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his
hand on Ole's head and said, 'Ole, you were born a
Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now...' he said as
he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head,
'now you are a Catholic!'

Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the
following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the
aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors
went to talk to him about this and as they approached the
fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak:

'You were born a cow, you were raised a cow,' and as he
sprinkled salt over the meat he said, 'and NOW you are a FISH!'


5. A Businessman taking a seminar on efficiency completed a
case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and
presented the results to the class.

"After a few days of observation, I quickly determined the
practices that were robbing her of precious time and
energy,"

the man reported. "taking note of how many trips she made
to the kitchen to the dining room carrying just one item,
I suggested that in the future she carry several items at
a time."

"Did it work?" the teacher asked.

"It sure did," replied the businessman. "Instead of taking
her 20 minutes to fix my breakfast, it now take ME just
seven."