Joke

1. A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery.

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened, and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry, and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The desk sergeant said, "Can you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweler.

"Well," said the sergeant, "an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."



2. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of
Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."


3. A mother has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Susie is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" The mother asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"


4. Medieval Pick Up Lines

"Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?"

"Dost thou practice safe hex?"

"Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."

"I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart."

"You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now."

"I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on!"

"Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear?"

"You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends on it!!"

"I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?"

"My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it."

"I've been VERY NAUGHTY. You'll have to put me in the stocks and...er...PUNISH me, now won't you?"

"You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel. Only it wasn't my hair that the queen asked me to let down."

"I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m'lady."

"C'mon, sweetie...didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away."

"I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?"