Jokes

1. When you have an "I hate my job" day try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-Tip." Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do NOT work in Quality Control at the Q-tip Company."


2. There are two idiots who work down in a dark mine while everyone else worked up in the light. One day the first idiot asked the other idiot "Why do we work down
here in the dark and everyone else works up in the light?"

The second idiot replies, "I dunno, why?"

"I'll go find out" said the first idiot.

So the first idiot went up to the light and the first person he came to he asked, "Why do we work down in the dark while you get to work up here in the light?"

The guy said, "Because we have something called intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" asked the idiot.

The guy went over to a wall and put his hand flat upon the surface and said "Try and hit my hand."

"You sure?" asked the idiot.

"Just hit it" said the man.

"Okay, but it's really gonna hurt" the idiot said, making a fist with his hand and swinging it at the guy's hand.

Just before the idiot hit the guy's hand, the guy took his hand away and the idiot hit the wall instead.

As the idiot was shaking off the pain, the guy said, "That's intelligence."

So the first idiot went back down to his friend.

The second idiot asked, "So, why do we have to work down here in the dark and they get to work up there in the light?"

"Because they have something called intelligence" explained the first idiot.

"What's intelligence?" asked the second idiot.

The first idiot looked around but it was too dark to see a wall.

So he put his hand flat on his face, and said, "Try and hit my hand."