Jokes

1. How the French Military Uniform Evolved

A long time ago, the British and French were at War. During one battle, the French captured an English major. They took the major to their headquarters and a French general began to question him.

The French general asked 'why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easy targets for us to shoot?’

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now, all French army officers wear brown pants.



2. Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit
suicide.

Let's see now:

No beer, No Wal-Mart, No television,

No baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf,

No tailgate parties. No cheerleaders,

No Home Depot. No hot dogs, No burgers, No steak,

Not even frozen fish sticks,

No dating, no dancing, no decent music.

More than one wife.

Towels for hats.

Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

No chocolate chip cookies.

You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.

You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.

Your bride is picked for you by someone else.

She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE?



3. An Arab-American family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Muslim facilities were completely full, so they ended up putting him in a Jewish home.

After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they come to visit grandpa."How do you like it here?" asks the Grandson.

It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you."

"Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," Grandpa says with a big smile.

"There's a musician here -- he's 88-years old. He hasn't played the violin in 23 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! And there's a physician here -- 91 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 27 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!

And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me "the fucking Arab!"



4. Of course, some people never retire...

Old golfers never retire, they just lose their drive.

Old lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away.

Accountants don't retire, they just lose their balance.

And bank managers don't retire, they just lose interest.

But what about vehicle mechanics? They re-tire every day!