Joke

1. A man gets a telephone call from a doctor.

The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some
good news and some bad news."
The man says: Tell me the good news first
The doctor says: "The good news is that you have 24 hours to live"
The man says: Horrified, "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
The doctor says: "I couldn't reach you yesterday."


2. In her late forties her father died and she came into a lot of money. The father had kept her a tight lead on her and she had never dated, had sex or anything to do with a man like that.
So with her new found wealth she hired a detective agency to find her an attractive man about her same age who had never had a woman so they could start out even.
Not an easy task.
They looked all over this country, then started overseas.
Finally after a many month search they found a man way off in the outback, raised by natives that they could certify had never had any relations with a woman.
They contacted him, told him of the woman's generous offer of cash.
If he would come to the states and marry her.
He accepted and they were married.
On the wedding night the woman went into the bath to get ready for bed.
When she came back out every bit of furniture was pushed and stacked in a corner, the main room bare. She asked, What is going on. This is to be the most wonderful night of our lives and you have moved all the furnishings to the corner?"
He said, "Oh this will be a wonderful night. I have never had a woman but I have dreamed, as you have, about this night for years and let me tell you we are going to need all the room we can get if it turns out to be anything like with a Kangaroo.



3. "I bet you don't know what day this is," said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: "Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, he turned and
rushed to catch the bus for work.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation. His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"



4. An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'