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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Punny questions

An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.

Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" Driver says, "Bout what?"

A rock store was closed by the police, they were taking too much for granite.

What is a computer's first sign of old age? Loss of memory.

"The Insomniac" by Eliza Wake

Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!

A letter carrier career is a mail dominated profession.

A guy goes into a second hand shop to buy one for his watch.

A job at the nursery can lead to a budding career.

Didja hear about the Broadway actor who broke through the floor boards? He was just going through a stage.

The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The reason? What good is it if you have the inclination, but you don't have the time?

A farmer called his pig Ball Point. Well it wasn't it's real name, just a pen name.

When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company, he finally brought down the house.

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

what do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "s" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

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