YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN

- You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

- Your back goes out more than you do.

- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

- You are proud of your lawn mower.

- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

- You sing along with the elevator music.

- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

- Neighbors borrow your tools.

- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

- You have dreams about prunes.

- You answer a question with "because I said so!"

- You send money to PBS.

- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

- You take a metal detector to the beach.

- You wear black socks with sandals.

- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.

- Your ears are hairier than your head.

- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

- You got cable for the weather channel.

- You go bowling without drinking.

- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.