NEW PIT CREW

The Ferrari Formula 1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ some people from Liverpool.

The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.

Prime Minister George Brown went on record as saying that this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.

As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 2 crates of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.