Jokes

1. If you love something, set it free and if it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

BUT, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free. You either married it or gave birth to it.


2. A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was all torn up.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes, and likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of it's tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of it's body so you can grab it behind the neck."

"Go on," the friend urged.

"Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward, just as I was instructed."

"So why are you so banged up?" the friend asked.

"Have you ever goosed a tiger?"