Jokes

1. A man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband's eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never knew you were so sentimental." she whispered.

"No . . . No . . ." he said, choking back his tears, "That's not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"

"Yes," the wife replied. "I remember it like yesterday."

"Well," said the husband, "Today I would have be a free man."


2.


The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to
get the position .

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed
so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me
until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will
be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending
again.'

( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many
in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC
for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve