Joke

I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I am still waiting to receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels Looking out for me.

I no longer eat KFC because the chickens they use are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to numerous emails, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore, because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I will never check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since the delivery guys are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will hack into my phone line for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to all the great advice, I can't ever pick up the five-dollar bill I find in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a predator waiting underneath a car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 100,000 people in the next 60 minutes, you will have 10 years of bad luck and go straight to hell when you die.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...