Jokes

1. George, Bob and Fred are working on a very high scaffolding.

Suddenly, George falls off and is killed instantly.

After the ambulance leaves with George's body, Bob and Fred realize they'll have to inform his wife.

Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.

After two hours he returns.

"So did you tell her?" asks Fred. "Yep", replies Bob.

"Any difficulty?"

"None at all. In fact I ended up with this six pack."

"How come?" "She gave it to me."

"WHAT??" exclaims Fred, "you just told her, her husband died and she gave you a six- pack??"

"Sure," Bob says. "WHY?" asks Fred.

"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you George's widow?'

'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!'

So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"



2. MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the
biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea
how hard it is to get that junk off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket,
take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER
"Again with the hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the
other kids?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can
kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now
turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is
past your curfew."

And, of course, these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER
"But it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do something about your
hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER
"That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the
last forty years."