Jokes

1. An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have a passport issued.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself?"



2. There is a knock on St. Peter's door. He looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter starts his interview with the man when all of a sudden, the man just disappears. A short time later there's another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the same man again, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again! This same scenario goes on two more times, each time, ending with the man disappearing.

"Hey, are you playing games with me?" an exasperated St. Peter calls after him.

"No," the man's distant voice replies anxiously. "They're trying to resuscitate me."



3. The banker had called the man in to talk about his account. "Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So why don't you talk to her about it?"

"Because," said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with her."



4. We took the family to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went to see the hostess about reserving a table.

When I returned, I found my 11-year-old daughter staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled.

"Doesn't she know who Superman is?" I whispered to my husband.

"Worse," he replied, "she doesn't know what a phone both is."