Jokes

1. M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn't hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven.

The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says "Virgin Mary speaking. "M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn't.

M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. "Virgin Mary speaking," comes the response. "Is James there yet?" asks M. Again the answer is no.

M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again.

"Hello, Mary speaking !"


2. A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, "Who told you that drinking is bad?"

Nun : Mother Superior told me.

Man : So, have you ever tried it?

Nun : No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor.

Man : Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life.

Nun : Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking. The man goes up to the bartender and says, "Bring me a couple of shots of

vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup."

The bartender looked at the man and said, "Is that nun in here again?"



3. A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.


On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

"Well Dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!" The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, there is no guarantee he is going to get it right!!!!