Jokes

1. A Polish girl went to the gynaecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a check-up?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I have had several Hungarians."


2. An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. "Well," thought the manager, "I'll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep."

To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)

The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.

The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.

The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.

Question: Which secretary does the manager select to retain?

Answer: Well, DUH!... The one with the biggest breasts


3. A man gets his new prescription for Viagra, and starts home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is great because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before.
He takes the Viagra and waits.
Well, an hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife...
She calls him on the cell phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
"What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."



4. A guy walked into the doctor's surgery for an appointment.
"Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty blonde receptionist asked.
"I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing" the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection."
"Well, the doctor is very busy today" the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."



5. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
Looking somewhat confused, the lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"