Jokes

1. Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area.

When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, "You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it. Then he thought, "Oh, forget it; it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a gift from God and keep quiet."

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, "Here, you gave me too much change."

The driver, with a smile, replied, "Aren't you the new preacher in town? I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday."

When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he paused and thought for a moment of what had just happened. He literally had to grab the nearest light pole to hold himself up. Then with a trembling voice he uttered, "Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter!"

Live your life as though you are being put to the test, because our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read.


2. "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs,
but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend
on Virgil's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"



3. Ted and Alice were thrilled when their long wait to adopt a baby finally
came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had an
adorable German baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped at the local college
so they could enroll in night classes. After they completed filling out the
form, the registrar inquired, "What possessed you to study German?"

"We've just adopted a wonderful German baby boy and in a year or so, he'll
begin to talk. We want to make sure we're able to understand him!" the
couple proudly explained.


4. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in
the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to
the electric chair"