Jokes

1. Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition."

"What is that?" Lisa asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.


2. A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"



3. There once was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and
rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree.

The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop
fighting!"

So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females."

And all the bears in the forest turned into females. The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.

The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish
was granted.

The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks
the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen.

The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.

The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is
granted.

When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his
motorcycle, starts and says: "I wish that turn this bear to be a gay



4. A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road
when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren.

She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly
slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are
wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied.

"Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your
steering wheel like that?"



5. A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
It's a hooker. He'd never been with a hooker before.

"Twenty bucks," she says.

He decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks. They're going at it for a
minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.

Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know"

"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her
face!"