Jokes

1. A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to eat at McDonald's. He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her until each had an even number. Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so they wouldn't have to split theirs.

The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50."

The young man asked the elderly lady if she was going to eat.

"Later," she replied. "Right now, it's his turn with the teeth."


2. "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"



3. Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth."

There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."


4. An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."

"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me-Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me-Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life."

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab, decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "G'day, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"

"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the East coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me-Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than 'G'day mate.')

On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me-Not' still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick. "How," said the Aussie.

"Scrambled," said the Chief.