Jokes

1. A car full of ladies from the Temple Beth Israel fund raising committee is in a terrible accident. They arrive at the Pearly Gates where Saint Peter is waiting. The women want to get into Heaven, so Saint Peter looks through the book, but can't find them listed in the New Arrivals section. "I'm sorry,"Saint Peter there must be some mistake." With that, he sends them down to Hell.

A week later, God asks Saint Peter, "What happened to those Jewish ladies who were supposed to be here?"

"You mean the ones from Temple Beth Israel?" Saint Peter asks. "I didn't see them listed, so I sent them to Hell."

"You what?" God asks outraged. "I wanted them here. If you want to keep your job, Saint Peter, you better call Satan and get them back up here ASAP."

St. Peter gets on the phone and calls Hell. Satan answers. St. Peter says, "Satan you know those Jewish ladies I sent down there last week? Well, I really need them up here. Could you please send them back?"

"No way," Satan replies. "They're here two days and they've already raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system."



2. A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.

The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"



3. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."



4. One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 am wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

"Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."

Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it! "You were supposed to call me at 6 am! What if I had a million dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, Sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel."