Jokes

1. Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."
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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
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But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
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"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
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"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
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I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "
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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."


2. A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.

She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."


"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man.

"How did you know?"

"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"

BOTTOM LINE: just imagine the management guys who are basically engineers... No wonder!!!!!