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Monday, December 22, 2014

Funny: Some jokes

Mo, heard her husband, Nate, come back into the house not too long after he had left.

Mo said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."

"It was postponed." Nate replied.

"The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn't let him go out tonight."


I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security-check conveyor belt.

The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches.

Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area.

"A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment.

"It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you."

I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked, "One... two... three... four," it said.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four... three... two... one...'?"


Bob is going on vacation and sees a golf course and a sign that says "Get help from a Pro."

So Bob thinks to himself wow I can get some help with my golf game.

So he goes there and says to the pro "I'm going to hit a couple of golf balls and then will you tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

The pro says "yeah sure."

So Bob hits the first one and it goes to the right. Bob asks what he was doing wrong the pro says "loft".

Bob thinks to himself "loft" what's that? Bob says "oh well" and hits another one this one goes to the right and Bob asks the pro "What did I do wrong this time?"

The pro again says "loft".

Bob thinks to himself "loft again" and hits another ball this one goes about 50 yds high and 100 yds out on the fairway.

So Bob asks "What did I do wrong that time?"

Again the pro says "loft".

This time Bob asks the pro what "loft" means.

The pro answers: "lack of frigging tallent"

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