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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Funny: Some jokes

A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet's surgery.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened To the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said 'I'm so sorry, your Duck, "Cuddles" has passed away'

The distressed owner wailed 'Are you sure ?'

'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead' he replied.

'How can you be so sure,' she protested. ' I mean, you haven't done any testing On him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something'

The Vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few Minutes later with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, Put his paws on the table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then Looked at the Vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog, and took it out, and returned a few minutes later with A cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from Head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly And strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, 'I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most Definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck'.

The vet turned to his PC, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed To the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill '$150!', she cried, $150 just To tell me my duck is dead!'

The vet just shrugged, and said 'I'm sorry.

If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it's now $150 
Bubba took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat.

The Doctor explained to Bubba that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food. "What you need to do is gently file the upper
bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown."

Bubba goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient.

"Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires.

"He's dead." declared the heartbroken Bubba. "I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor.

"No." lamented Bubba. "I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise."

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