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Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Funny: Some jokes

A Scotsman, an Italian and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, tis a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Edinburgh, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, ye buy a drink, ye buy another drink and MacDougal himself will buy yir third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, datsa nice bar, but where I comma from, dere's a better one. Inna Roma, dere's dis place, Vincenzo's. At Vincenzo's, you buy a drink, Vincenzo buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vincenzo buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "And you think that's great? Where Oi come from in Dublin, there's this wee pub called Morphy's. At Morphy's, they boy you your forst drink, they boy you your second drink, they boy you your tird drink and then they take you in back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," says the Irish guy, "The truth is it happen to me sister!"


Two rednecks meet in a bar and decide that they weren't going anywhere in life, so they decide to go to college to get ahead. They hop in a pickup and drive to the nearest university. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes in to one of the rooms and finds a professor who advises him to take Math, History, and Logic. "What's Logic?" asks the redneck.

The professor replies, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do," grins the redneck. "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replies the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responds in awe. The professor continues: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house." Impressed, the redneck shouts "AMAZIN'!" "And since you own a house, logic suggests that you have a wife." "Betty Mae... this is incredible!"

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I cain't wait to take this here logic class."

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway where his friend is waiting. "So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asks.

"Math,History, and Logic," replies the first redneck. "What in tarnation is Logic?" asks the friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?"

"No," says his friend.

"You're queer, ain't ya?

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