Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and
asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and
the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was
something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos
which are quite good. I had four or five o'those. Then I had to drive me friend
Mike home and o'course I had to go in for a couple of Guinesses... couldn't be
rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later." The man then fumbled around in his coat until he located his
bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll
need you to step out of the car and take a breathalizer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't you believe
me?!?"
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A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an
inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his
chest.
Worried that it might be from a second surgery the
doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his
hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so
uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide
strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off. Written in large black
letters was the sentence: "Get well quick! From the nurse you gave a
ticket to last week."
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There was a pastor who had a new kitten that climbed up a
tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed,
offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy
enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and
drove away, that the tree would bend down. He could then reach up and get the
kitten.
That's what he did, all the while checking his progress
in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree
would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car
a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "Boing!" and
the kitten instantly sailed through the air, out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the
neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen
a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I commit this kitten to Your
keeping," and went on about his business.
A few days later, he was at the grocery store, and met
one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was
amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he
asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"
She replied, "You won't believe this," and then
told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept
refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom
finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you
keep it."
She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in
the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you
won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came
flying out of the blue sky with its paws outspread, and landed in front of
her."
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