Funny: Some jokes

Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker.

He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!"

"How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned.

She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."

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An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Since she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so while she was still able. Until now, she'd never even been out of the country, so she began by going in person to the Passport Office to obtain her first passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself???"

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There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."

The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"