There
was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half
of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me."
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
--------------------------------
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday.
He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business.
"Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina.
"That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache.
His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face.
"What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant,
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
--------------------------------
My mother and I returned to my parents' house late one evening to find my father, my college-age brother, Steven, and my ten-year-old sister fast asleep.
Mom had forgotten her house keys, so we knocked loudly, first at the back door and then the front and side doors.
We yelled my father's name over and over, with no answer.
The car horn aroused the neighbors but no one at our house.
We drove into town and phoned home, finally waking Steven.
When we got back, he let us in. Dad was in bed, snoring, with the television on. Mom quietly switched it off.
Dad woke right up. "Don't turn that off," he said. "I'm watching it!"
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me."
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
--------------------------------
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday.
He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business.
"Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina.
"That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache.
His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face.
"What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
----------------------------------
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant,
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
--------------------------------
My mother and I returned to my parents' house late one evening to find my father, my college-age brother, Steven, and my ten-year-old sister fast asleep.
Mom had forgotten her house keys, so we knocked loudly, first at the back door and then the front and side doors.
We yelled my father's name over and over, with no answer.
The car horn aroused the neighbors but no one at our house.
We drove into town and phoned home, finally waking Steven.
When we got back, he let us in. Dad was in bed, snoring, with the television on. Mom quietly switched it off.
Dad woke right up. "Don't turn that off," he said. "I'm watching it!"
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