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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Funny: Multiple jokes

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.


A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqis!"

The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out: "One United States Marine is better than one hundred Iraqis!"

Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge firefight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The American voice calls out again: "One United States Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis!"

The enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune.  Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle is fought - then silence.

Eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap.  There's two of them!"


A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, Mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" he asked.  "Are you giving up?"

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