Funny: Some jokes

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I a polar bear?"

The father polar bear replied, "Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear."

A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I really a polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?"

The father polar bear replies, "Son, I'm 100% polar bear, your mother is 100% polar bear, so you are definitely 100% polar bear."

A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear AGAIN turns to his father and says, "Dad, don't think your sparing my feelings if it's not true. I gotta know, am I 100% polar bear?"

The father polar bear was distressed by this continued questioning and asked his son, "Why do you keep asking if you're 100% polar bear?"

"Because I'm freezing!"

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A couple's happily married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in their household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.

Eventually, the old girl passed away.

On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confesses to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much , I don't think I would of have put up with having your Aunt Emma in our house all those years!"

His wife looked at him aghast. "Huh? My Aunt Emma!?" she cried. "I thought she was *your* Aunt Emma!"

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One afternoon my wife April rushed out of the house, forgetting her keys, and found herself locked out. There was nothing she could do but wait for me to come home.

She saw a neighbor who was outside raking leaves. "You locked yourself out?"

he asked.

"Yeah, this is the second time since we moved in. After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar, then stuck it in a potted plant on the deck."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I took the plants in for the winter."

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The first thing every single morning, one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horoscope aloud.

"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, levelheaded person.

Do you really believe in astrology?"

"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we Capricorns are."