One
of my friends's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
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My three year old son and I were passing by a McDonald's one day and he started begging me to get some "fench fies, pweeeez".
I didn't have any money on me and I told him "No, Mommy is broke"
He didn't complain he just accepted my answer.
A few days later we were driving past a McDonald's once again.
He was not having a happy day because we were stuck running errands all day.
So I offered, "Ryan do you want to get some french fries?"
And he perked up and smiled and said, "Why Mommy, are you fixed?"
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Outdoor Barbecuing It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.
1. The woman goes to the store.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (insert smug expression and "isn't that steak a beaut!")
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The mans ask the woman how she enjoyed "her night off". And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
----------------------------
My three year old son and I were passing by a McDonald's one day and he started begging me to get some "fench fies, pweeeez".
I didn't have any money on me and I told him "No, Mommy is broke"
He didn't complain he just accepted my answer.
A few days later we were driving past a McDonald's once again.
He was not having a happy day because we were stuck running errands all day.
So I offered, "Ryan do you want to get some french fries?"
And he perked up and smiled and said, "Why Mommy, are you fixed?"
--------------------------
Outdoor Barbecuing It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.
1. The woman goes to the store.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (insert smug expression and "isn't that steak a beaut!")
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The mans ask the woman how she enjoyed "her night off". And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
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